Queen Bees Author to Parents, Schools: Step Up Your Game Against Mean Girls and Masterminds

There are few names that strike fear in the heart of film lovers like Regina George. We’ve all been harassed by a Regina George. Heck, at one time or another we may have been Regina George.

But the ultimate Mean Girl would never have made it to the big screen if it were not for Rosalind Wiseman, renowned parenting expert and author. With her 2002 iconic bestseller, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, she not only inspired Tina Fey to make all of us relive the horrors of high school, she guided parents, teachers and girls in better navigating the tricky years of adolescence.

On Thursday, November 20, Wiseman will bring her insights, advice and humor to Southern Illinois University Edwardsville Arts & Issues Series with Owning Up: Creating a Culture of Dignity in Your School and Classroom.

During this special presentation, educators – and parents – will learn first-hand the practices to curb cliques and banish bullying she outlined in Queen Bees as well as in Masterminds & Wingmen: Helping Your Son Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World, her latest venture into the minds of young people. The audience will be taken through real-life scenarios to gain a better understanding of how difficult the teen years truly are and how they can develop and share strategies to create a climate of respect in today’s schools – and in society as a whole.

Has the bullying problem gotten better?

In the years since Queen Bees hit the shelves, the social hierarchies Wiseman investigated have become a hot button topic in today’s national dialogue. Endless media stories, public awareness campaigns and documentaries have shined a light on the effects cliques and bullying have had on kids, but are our daughters – and sons – any happier a decade later?

According to Wiseman, it’s still a gray area. Adults are recognizing the signs of bullying and understanding the negative impact it has on our children, but repairing the problem requires more work than what many of us are willing to do.

“There’s no sound bite, no kindness campaign, no school assembly that can replace the hard work of understanding what people need to do to manage themselves in conflict and when they feel dehumanized,” Wiseman remarked. “Coming in to a school for a one hour assembly doesn’t change the culture of the school. One of the most frustrating things is that as adults, we don’t tie what we’ve learned to substantive work – to figure out why it’s so difficult to say I’m sorry, for not being the role models our kids need to see, and failing to engage our kids in solving their problems.”

Throughout her career, Wiseman has empowered teachers and professionals to work side-by-side with youth, instead of lording over them, to give each person a voice in correcting victimization in our schools. For Wiseman, it takes more than putting an anti-bullying poster on the wall; it requires identifying the underlying issues and sitting down at table together so that young people can feel their concerns are being taken seriously.

For instance, the forced truces many schools have implemented to curb bullying often have unintended consequences. “If a teacher the students have no respect for makes them sit down and shake hands when they don’t feel like it, there’s no desire or intention to stop their behavior. Adults have to enlist kids in the entire process – to hear them when they say, ‘this works for me or this doesn’t work for me.’”

In addition, since Queens Bees was initially released, the explosion of social media has changed the world of junior high and high school, so much so that Wiseman updated the book in 2009 to focus on the effect it has on our children. Bullying is not just in the hallways, it’s on a public and national scale. And with new apps like Yik Yak, which allows for an anonymous, hyper-local social forum, students can hide behind obscurity without enduring the consequences of their actions.

“There’s always going to be social networking platforms like Yik Yak and ask.fm that makes you insanely insecure,” Wiseman said. “Social media can be amazing for young people – to validate their creativity, to find out more about things they’re interested in, to not feel isolated. There’s a tremendous amount of good in it. Anytime people are communicating and in the same ‘space,’ either in real life or in the public space of online life, tremendous positives can come out of it – so can tremendous negatives.”

'We have to acknowledge the possibility that things can be so difficult.'

In Owning Up, parents, educators and other professionals who work with youth can learn more about social media, bullying and social hierarchies from one of the nation’s leading experts on social justice and ethical leadership. Based on her renowned Owning Up™ Curriculum, the presentation will help the audience discover the cultural expectations that lead individuals to use humiliation to establish power and uncover ways to change this dynamic to create a generation of kind, caring and empathetic youth. What one learns in the session can be integrated into real-world teaching experiences that help give our kids greater ownership of their actions.

Owning Up will be held in the Meridian Ballroom of Morris University Center on the SIUE Campus on November 20 at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $25 general admission or $15 for students, and can be ordered at artsandissues.com/rosalindwiseman.shtml. To learn more about Wiseman and Owning Up, check out her website at rosalindwiseman.com.

While Owning Up will shine a light on bullying in schools, how we validate our children’s feelings and acknowledge their emotions at home is just as important to strengthening their self-esteem and respect for one another.

 “We think since our kids don’t have to pay bills or have responsibilities, they lead this idyllic life,” Wiseman noted. “But in many cases, they have significant, overwhelming problems and challenges they can’t navigate on their own. They really feel the consequences in a lot of different ways – they’re isolated, unable to engage in school, and neglect to explore their passions. If they can’t talk to us about their problems, they won’t engage us in anything. We have to acknowledge the possibility that things can be so difficult.”

^{Photos: Mean Girls Wiki, rosalindwiseman.com}