4 Resolutions for the Start of the School Year

Everyone makes resolutions at the beginning of the New Year. But I know darn well I’m not going to eat better or gossip less, so I don’t bother with them in January.

However, the start of the school year is different – mostly because my actions can affect my children’s performance at school. So with second grade and preschool just a couple of short weeks away, I thought it would be best to get my back-to-school resolutions in order to save not only my sanity, but that of my children and their teachers.

1. I will no longer be a hot mess when it comes to organization

Last year, every single one of my emails to MJ’s teacher started out the same way – “I’m usually not this disorganized, but…” - to which I’m sure the response in her head by the end of the year was, “Bitch, please.”

In my worklife, I’m impeccably organized – in my homelife, not so much. The first week of school, I’m on top of things – the permission slips are signed, the backpack is packed each night, homework is done days before it’s due.

By the second week, our dining room table becomes the burial site for school flyers and permission slips. So it’s no surprise MJ comes home once a week, sighing, “You forgot my snack again so I had to eat paste” and with notes from her teacher that remind me again field trip fees are due but subliminally scream, “Nicole – for all that is good and holy, why is it so freakin’ hard to put $5 in your kid’s Hello Kitty backpack?!?”

My goal is to stay on top of things this year so I don’t become that parent again. Teachers have it tough already juggling 20 6-year-olds; they don’t need some scatterbrained parent adding to their frustration. And I don’t need to craft paper mache puppets at four in the morning for a second year in a row.

2. I will become the Bono of the elementary school.

Volunteering at school is important for so many reasons. It gives teachers the additional help they may need, it helps build a child’s literacy skills, and it reinforces the importance of education if Junior sees mom or dad at school.

But most important, it’s an incredible ego boost.

If you’re having a bad week at work, if your co-workers or clients tell you how bad you suck, take two hours to volunteer during your kid’s lunch hour. In a child’s eyes, you are a rock star.

Last year, I volunteered for a few hours each month with the Accelerated Reader program. The second I walked into the classroom, I felt like Daryl Dixon at Comic-Con. Many of the kids – who I didn’t even know – fought over who would get to hold my hand and walk with me to the computer lab. One little girl came up to me and remarked, “MJ’s mom – I just have to tell you. I love your eye makeup.” Best. Day. Ever.

I know that sense of stardom is fleeting. By the time these children move from grammar school to high school, MJ will be horrified the moment I walk into her school and her less subtle classmates will make fun of the mom in the old lady shoes who smells like gin.

3. I will not drink before PTO meetings

I’m not someone you would call “outgoing” or “confident” or “not weird.” So when I’m in a room full of overachieving moms – moms who are crafty and organized and actually brush their kids’ hair – I tend to get overwhelmed, no matter how welcoming they are. Ask me to decorate the school bulletin board in front of 100 other parents, and I will stammer an indeterminable answer before I pass out.

It’s critical for parents to get involved with their PTO’s to assist our teachers and build stronger schools overall – it’s just you have to find your niche. Since I’m not good in big groups, I’ve found smaller committees and one-on-one volunteering have been the best solutions for me. That way, I don’t have to hit the martinis as I usually do in social situations to fuel my liquid confidence. Though I still get dirty looks when I sashay into our monthly meetings wearing hot pants and stripper heels.

4. I will watch what I say – and do – around my children

Kids are like parrots – they will mimic everything you say. The difference is, you can cage a parrot.

My friend, a preschool teacher, has said numerous times, “I know all the best gossip in town,” courtesy of four-year-olds whose apple juice acts as a truth serum.

I realize kids can spill the beans anytime they’re around other children, but at school, they have a captive audience for seven hours a day. And my kids aren’t immune to the gossip.

Last year, my kids’ teachers told me 1) my husband sleeps on the couch (no, we don’t have marital strife – just bad backs), and 2) I’m dating Adam Wainwright (ok, ok, I may say my “imaginary boyfriend” is pitching when he’s on the mound).

But the worst is when I innocently mentioned the attractiveness of one of MJ’s classmate’s parents to my husband. Of course, MJ turned around and told her friend, so now I’m paranoid that if ask for a playdate, the parents will think it’s code for, “Come over, mom and dad, to roll around on our bearskin rugs and partake in our collection of exotic massage oils.” The last thing I need in the carpool lane is a reputation as a swinger.

So that’s it – four simple resolutions that should make this school year easier and more productive for everyone in our house. Though, I’ve already blown through one of them as today MJ made a public announcement at the park that I accidentally opened the wrong (wrong, wrong, very wrong) “Blurred Lines” video in front of her.

It’s going to be a long year.